Bragging rights make adult human beings do very strange things
The word “banter” appears four times in the Mirror’s exclusive story. “A bit of banter”, “that little bit of banter”, “a bit of harmless banter because, ultimately, “isn’t it all about banter?”
In the latest exhibit for the case that football has now become obsessed with the winding up of people whose team have just lost, Jamie Carragher – word-is-gospel Sky Sports superpundit Jamie Carragher – was filmed spitting from his car window into that of a Manchester United fan. The supporter (in what can be estimated as a mix of 60% star-struckness and 40% mischief) was filming himself and his 14-year-old daughter driving alongside Carragher and reminding him politely of the score between Manchester United and Liverpool on Saturday.
Carragher has since called the family to apologise, a shred of dignity salvaged from an episode in which every participating adult behaved like an absolute baby.
Harry Kane gives England a World Cup injury scare
With just 93 days to go until the World Cup, the footballing gods have taken one look at the possible England squad – Gareth Southgate’s worryingly uncertain, Premier-League-midtable-at-best England squad – and thought: “what can we do to screw this right up?”
The answer, clearly, was for Harry Kane’s ankle to go in a direction that human evolution didn’t intend, for the third time in about 18 months. Crutches, a protective boot and the customarily vague prospect of “a scan” were all swiftly deployed, with his manager Mauricio Pochettino hopeful that it “is not a massive issue”.
While the top-four-chasing Spurs are sweating a little – even if Son Heung-min appears to be an insatiable deputy up front – Southgate and the England set-up will be going full hyperhidrosis. Kane is likely to miss the upcoming friendlies against Holland and Italy for starters – after that…who knows? Let’s start panicking anyway: time for those tabloid prayer mats that greeted Beckham’s broken metatarsal in 2002.
West Ham implode at inconvenient moment
There’s a precise art to being a player who deals with a disgruntled pitch invader: you need to show a bit of sympathy for their cause (e.g. allow them to plant a corner flag in the centre circle), maintain some professional pride (plead with them to leave the pitch ASAP), but also tackle them like you’re throwing them out of your pub. West Ham captain Mark Noble, generally accepted to be the current Mr West Ham, certainly achieved the last bit on Saturday.After several pitch invasions, a mass protest in front of the directors’ box, a coin thrown at co-owner David Sullivan and – lest we forget – a 3-0 defeat to Burnley, the West Ham squad have fled for the relative safety of Florida for some warm-weather training. The London Stadium, fast becoming the emblem of West Ham’s shattered dreams, probably hasn’t seen the last of the unpleasantness.Southampton visit in a fortnight’s time – 16th vs 17th – so expect another thorough workout for the West Ham stewards.
